Rejoice dear Reycists, as this week we look at another criminally under-rated game Lord of the Rings: Conquest. Every reviewer and their mother will ask you two questions to consider before advising on whether or not you should pick up Conquest. Though I only see merit in one I’ll list both here just in-case; Do you like Lord of the Rings? And do you like Star Wars Battlefront? Now to me, it’s a simple question of ‘Do you like Lord of the Rings?’ because if you don’t like Star Wars Battlefront you can fuck right off back into whatever hole you came from, you horrible human stain!


…Uh… yeah, I like Battlefront… a lot!



Seems like a fair fight!


Either way a lot of people must not like one or the other or even both together as the title currently stands with a rating of only 57 on Metacritic. For a game that lets you play as pretty much all the cool characters from Lord of the Rings in massive battlefields I was actually pretty surprised to see this rating. But naturally the native metacrtic users helped clarify the pains of people through vivid use of language showing complete command of English.


Sci-Fi-Dude1456 gave it a 1/10 and had this to say:

Lord of the Rings will not appeal to any Lord of the Rings or even a Star Wars Battlefront fan. This game is just a dumb button masher that fails to impress anyone. There is a lot of glitches and bugs in the games. The graphics are dated , the voice is ugly , and the overall presentation is bland. Do not get this game!!

Harrowing! Just… harrowing stuff. MikeCoon gave it 3/10 and expressed his frustration with it being inconsistent with the source material

The game really doesn’t appeal to either the LotR fan in me or the Battlefront fan in me. The gameplay failed to excite me in any way, and as a fan of the books, I found nothing but errors with the source material that would be just as easy to get right as they were to get wrong. I’ll have to hold out for either Battlefront III or another LotR game along the lines of The Third Age. Best world would give me both.

Given that the game allows you to ‘win’ as the bad guys, what did Mike expect?


And so, as always I ask you to reconsider your hate for Lord of the Rings: Conquest based on solid logic, reasoning, enjoyment and more important the below points that should convince you to give this a try. Without further ado here are my 5 reasons on why you should play Lord of the Rings: Conquest…


1. Reskinned Battlefront

In case you didn’t pick this fact up earlier and have sleep read through the previous body of sacred text, Lord of the Rings: Conquest plays exactly like Star Wars Battlefront; you choose your class, your starting point, commit all out war on epic battlefields and so much more. It’s even made by the same developer the late Pandemic Studios. It’s even got a full two end to end campaigns just like Battlefront. Speaking of which…



Uruk Hai, I choose YOU!


2. You can play as the bad guys

Ever wanted to play as Sauron or even a motherfucking Balrog!? Well, in Conquest you bet your ass you can! Nothing is as enjoyable as the final mission in the evil campaign where you control a wave of orcs and uruk hai as you ravage Hobbiton. How could you not enjoy that? If Conan knew about Lord of the Rings and, in particular, the Shire and was asked “What is best in life?”, you can guarantee he would have said wrecking little bastard hobbits as a Balrong in Hobbiton. Oh and…


3. You get to play as a Balrog!

One of the biggest and most awesome creatures from Middle Earth, Balrogs are huge beasts with the ability to cover themselves in fire and smoke. I like to think they’re one step away from Satan himself. Either way you can control this giant killing machine as you whip through 3 foot hobbits leaving nothing but ash and dust behind you. Team up with a friend for some co-op devastation and control Sauron and a Balrog together as you absolutely ruin the last vestige of light from Middle Earth. Which brings me on to another strength of Conquest…



Flee puny halflings!


4. You don’t need friends

Another game and another nod back to my review of Orion: Prelude although last time we were comparing the Co-Op features for the top notch Binary Domain, today its back to that bit about bots. Just to reinstate, Bots are awesome! Sure they can be a bit bland but at least they’ll always be there. Can you say the same about your friends? No! Cause your friends are dicks and they probably want to go out socializing or spend their time watching movies with some caped hero making light-hearted jokes and ‘knocking people out‘. Meanwhile you could be murdering waves upon waves of AI controlled opponents giving you the training you’ll need for a potential zombie apocalypse.



More hobbit murdering as the king of murder


5. Bargain bin this bad boy for €5.00

My final point is always reserved for how easy these titles are to pick up for next to nothing but unfortunately the crippling reality is that Lord of the Rings: Conquest is next to impossible to find on sale digitally. You can pick it up for the Xbox 360 in Gamestop second-hand usually for about a fiver or less. This means that obtaining Conquest is a problem for PC gamers because you are never, ever going to find a second-hand PC game in any store. With Pandemic Studios gone and the chance of finding this game for sale almost completely diminished there’s only one viable options for you if you want to get your hands on this, and that’s the piracy route. For this week I can’t tell you to buy it simply because you can’t. And I’m not going to directly tell you to pirate anything lest I feel the wrath of the legal system of EA games but do what you will do!


Playtime Per Euro:

€0? / 3 hours