Another glorious Sunday another glorious opportunity to spread Reycism as we remember to give each game a level playing field by treating all games equally especially those with not so hot reviews. This week I’ll be discussing the reasons you should give Orion: Prelude (or Orion: Dino Horde or Orion: Dino Beatdown or whatever-the-fuck-name you may have seen this as) a chance to earn it’s way into a small part of your heart.

As is always the case with Guilty Gaming, Orion: Prelude is critically lavished on Metacritic, if lavished actually meant despised. This is one of those elusive titles where the critics were less impressed than the users with a critical score of 36 and a user score of 5.8. Believe it or not there are quite a lot of positive user reviews – 107 to be exact versus 87 combined mixed and negative reviews however the “this is balls” stigma has already been set.




Now before I get into the usual crop of would be games reviewers from the user review section of Metacritic, it is most definitely worth noting that on launch this title was not up to scratch (in case the multiple name changes didn’t give that away) and deserves the criticisms from this period. The developer could’ve just laid down… given up…. died… have his dog leave him… but no, to his credit he came back with major fixes and dropped the price substantially. With all that being said, let’s dive into some classic 0/10 reviews. Thorwald had this to say:

“Frequently crash bad graphics, bad animations, bad sound, server problems and I could continue this list, but the game does not deserve anymore of my time.

…polysemy masterclass right there! DOSfan reviewed one of the more recent iterations and commented:

“it’s just extremely lacking. look up video reviews before buying it, even at $1 it’s not worth it imho.”

…which almost sounded reasonable.


As your kind, gentle and incredibly wise gaming guide, I’m here to give you my 5 reasons on why you should play Orion: Prelude…


1. It costs less than a euro

Normally reserved for my final point but in Orion’s case I think this deserves to be top of the list as the title comes in at under a euro at 99c. If you are on a minimum wage job in Ireland and decided to go to the bathroom, in the time it takes you to go to the bathroom, take a healthy, firm dump, clean up and go back to your job, you’ll have earned enough of a wage to buy this game. That’s right, this costs less than the value of you taking a shit… And that’s at its standard pricing. Discounts often drop to 49c which even the wealthiest looking beggar could pick up on the streets within an hour. I’d challenge you to find another form of entertainment that gives you the same level of fun per euro (which I’m going have to use this as a metric going forward)


2. You can play it with 3 friends

4-player coop has become more and more common in gaming since Left 4 Dead brought it back in fashion in 2008. Though it was always a feature in gaming, like couch coop, it has become quite a rare treat since the advent of high speed internet connections. Coop in all forms is an essential aspect of gaming for me (hence my love of the Conflict series which you will, no doubt, be reading about in one of these) and Orion’s setup is a solid and enjoyable one as the 4 of you take on all shapes of dinosaurs utilizing futuristic weaponry and chasing down massive T-Rexes in your hummers. Which forms the basis of my next point…


Shoot her… Shoot her!

3. It’s got a great setting and concept

Do I know what the story is? Fuck no, but what I do know is that you’re fighting a whole range of deadly dinosaurs in the future with jetpacks, future magnums, assault rifles, light-sabers and more! I mean that sentence, alone, should sell you on Orion: Prelude. The setup consists of you being dumped into a desert canyon or similar, on what I assume is another planet (based on the games title anyway) with access to a facility full of weaponry and vehicle drops. Soon it begins and waves upon waves of raptors and compys attack joined usually by a bigger beastie or two and an aerial assault from some friendly flying creatures who are just looking for some good-time company as they try and drag you away for their sick mating pleasure (I assume).


Fighting a fucking T-Rex with a fucking tank! …Tanks for my T-Rection!

4. There’s plenty of content

Between the volume of weaponry, Vehicles and creatures, all of which I’ve already mentioned, you’d think you’ve already been given plenty of content. And that’d be fair, BUT the game steps up to the usual multiplayer principles and adds a class system which gives you an option to choose the play-style you want to approach the game with. On top of that the game offers rewards based on your individual and your squad’s performance, similar to Counter Strike, which allows you to purchase both your new weaponry and upgrades to your class skills. Each level let’s you try different approaches enabling you to replay each one with a new angle to test.


No this is not a child’s drawing, this is the tech tree.

5. It’s got bots

When I saw this feature I immediately ran through my apartment yelling “Yes! Yes! Yes!” at the top of my voice. In case it’s not clear, I love bots. There’s nothing better than giving that extra flexibility for those who don’t want to play online. It also gives you the opportunity to learn the games, levels, maps and multiple game modes without the pressure created from online douchebags. It’s next to impossible to find bots as an option today so I think on this fact alone you need to try Orion: Prelude. Do It! You’ve spent a euro on worse and you know it.


Playtime Per Euro:

€1 /1-2 hours