It’s that time again folks where I make my WWE PPV predictions.This time around it’s Hell in a Cell which should not be a PPV by the way. The Hell in a Cell matches are only for the time where things are so out of hand only killing the other person in a steel structure makes sense. As always a correct guess is worth 5 points and the smug satisfaction that I am amazing but an incorrect guess is worth nothing and so am I. I haven’t had a chance to watch RAW over the past few weeks so if my predictions are correct then I’m possibly the greatest being alive today. It also means that WWE is even more predictable than I thought which is just sad for everybody but at least it gets me points on the board. The (C) beside a name means that they are the champion(s) walking into the PPV match. Let’s get to it.
Enzo Amore & Big Cass VS Gallows & Anderson
I’m going for the realest guys in the room to win this one. If there’s any particular reason for my prediction it’s because Gallows & Anderson have been poorly used by the powers that be and they will continue to be. Enzo & Cass losing the match wouldn’t harm them but I feel like they’re so over at the moment (at least they were when I last saw them) that they’ll get the win. There’s no real reason for my prediction it’s just based on past events regarding Gallows and Anderson. Enzo and Cass to get the win.
The New Day(C) VS Cesaro and Sheamus
This is basically a charity donation of 5 points for me because it’s very obvious that The New Day are going to retain. WWE needs to sell them shirts and Booty-O’s which means that Cesaro & Sheamus (that’s not how you spell Seamus btw – there’s a fada somewhere in there) are going to lose the match. That will probably lead to them giving out to each other on the next RAW episode as well. Easy 5 points, New Day to win.
TJ Perkins (C) VS Brian Kendrick
This one is a bit of a wildcard mostly because the rest are kind of predictable. The bits of RAW that I’ve seen, including Kendrick, asking Perkins to let him win the belt off him on Sunday, makes it even more ambiguous on who’s going to win. I’ma stick with Perkins though I would like a Kendrick win because the face wrestler should be the one chasing the gold not the other way around. Perkins for that 1 2 3.
Roman Reigns (C) VS Rusev (Hell in a Cell match)
It’s his first title defence at a PPV so Roman’s winning it. Make him look strong dammit!
Sasha Banks (C) VS Charlotte (Hell in a Cell Match)
This feud has been going on for way too long and I imagine it would’ve ended earlier had it not been for Sasha’s injury. There’s not much to add here because in terms of promos and mic work we’ve seen it all by now but I do expect and exceptional match from these two. They’ve been putting on clinics in regular matches now imagine the stupid things they’ll do in a Hell in a Cell match. Sasha to win and hopefully no one dies in this match. Work safe yo!
Kevin Owens (C) VS Seth Rollins (Hell in a Cell Match)
I love watching both of these guys in the ring. They’re so good and I’m expecting a great match from them but my only concern is that my prediction will be wrong and then I’ll look like a fool. Like a fool! Hmm who to pick. On the one hand, Owens has a lot of momentum and his partnership with the gift of Jericho has been amazing but on the other hand, Seth has lost two title matches to Owens which could mean that he wins this one. Mostly so he can stay in the title picture but that’s unlikely. I want Owens to win just for him to stay as champion and see how his storyline with Jericho progresses. Owens for that sweet, sweet victory.
That’s it for the predictions and hopefully, I get the full 30 points which would mean that the WWE should hire me to write for them. I’d be a great writer for them and can easily come up with something similar to “ring-postitis” or some other juvenile jokes regarding genitalia. It’s not that hard. Ha! Get it?